My friends, they love my intelligence
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You pole danced in your parka.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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