In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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