dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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