I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
