He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
