so that wasnt chicken after all
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
