you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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