arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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