mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at about main and main street
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
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