Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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