If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize