what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
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Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
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Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
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