My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
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