All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize