If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize