My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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