mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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