I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
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While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
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