my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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