Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Your penis caused this!
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