I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
her vagine was all disorganized.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
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Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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