we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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