so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
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That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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