Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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