sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize