So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
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This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
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T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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