Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
