i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
