On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
