I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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