My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize