I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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