before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
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I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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