I'm lost and stupid without you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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