I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
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Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize