yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
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Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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