Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
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just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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