alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
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I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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