Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
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Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
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More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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