she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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