When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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