p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
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Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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