Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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