There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
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You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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