I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize