I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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