Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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