Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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