Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
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the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
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Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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