i permit you to call me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize