I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
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Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
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I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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