It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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