Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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