Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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