Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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